Preparing the Way

2nd Sunday in Advent.
Readings:
Old Testament: Malachi 3:1-7b
Epistle: Philemon 1:2-11
Gospel: Luke 3:1-14 (15-20)

Grace, Mercy, and Peace be unto you from God our Father, and the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

We all have a job to do. And it seems this is the season when people are at their best, when their hearts are turned towards helping others in need. You can already see the salvation army volunteers out in front of stores ringing their bells. But our job isn't a seasonal one. Is isn't to be confined to the month of advent, but rather is one that should performed througout the whole year. Just as many of you set new year's resolutions, the new year being a time of new beginnings, so should advent be a time to set new Christian goals, and one of those goals should be to prepare the way for Christ's return- to, "go forth and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit" (MT 28:19) This is our commission. This is how we prepare the way for Christ's second advent. Just as we must prepare the way for Christ's return, so was it necessary to prepare for his first coming, when he would become the Light of the World.
Now, prepare comes from the Latin word praeparar, which means "before something is brought forth." it is what must be done. My Webster's dictionary defines it this way:
1. to make ready, usually for a specific purpose; make suitable; fit; adapt; train
2. to make receptive; dispose; accustom

Our Old Testament lesson says, "See I will send my messenger, who will prepare the way before me." And we read in the Gospel lesson of John the Baptist going throughout the area around the River Jordan, where he preached of a baptism for the forgiveness of sins. This is what had to be done to prepare the way for Christ. It is in the River Jordan, by John the Baptist that Christ is baptized and receives the Holy Spirit- about which John says, "I myself did not know him, but the reason I came baptizing with water was that he might be revealed to Israel" (Jn 1:31) So only by preparing the way could Christ be revealed. And now we are all called to be ambassadors of Christ.

In the Epistle lesson, Paul, "prays that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you may have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ."
In Luke, John says "produce fruit in keeping with repentance" Now, those listening to John ask him how this is accomplished, to which he replies, "the man with two tunics should share with him who has none, and the one who has food should do the same." Give in the name of Christ and share your faith, by this we produce fruit. By producing fruit, being in Christ, the vine, "the Father prunes you so that you will be even more fruitful." Andy by these things we can come to understand all the good things we have in Christ while preparing the way for his return. Christ is the reason for the season, and in His name we should diligently do our work, preparing the way for His return. His love will surely not fail or cease. God has already delivered on his promise of redemption and salvation, and that is why we celebrate in this very special time of year. Let your celebrating and rejoicing overflow to those around you, and into the coming days and months. Make it your resolution to carry on with your work in Christ's name, until that day He returns, Amen.

First Sunday in Advent

This is my first step towards achieving my personal goal of writing a message for every sunday of the new church year. Please be patient as I am sure I have lots of room for growth. The style and flow will most likely be different than in previous posts as these will be less "from the hip."

Readings:
Old Testament: Jeremiah 33:14-16
Epistle: 1 Thesselonians 3:9-13
Gospel: Luke 21: 25-36

Grace, Peace, and Mercy be unto you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Welcome to the first Sunday of the church year: the 1st Sunday of Advent. It is a time of promises and anticipation and fulfillment.

Of course, we know, that the culmination of Advent is in the birth of our Lord and Savior , Jesus Christ, celebrated on Christmas day. It is a most wonderful time of year, and a most stressful time of year. But Advent is about looking forward with anticipation, with hope, with the surity that God fulfills his promises, to the coming of Christ.

"'The days are coming,' declares the Lord, 'when I will fulfill the gracious promise I made to the house of Israel and to the house of Judah.'"
";In those days and at that time I will make a righteous Branch sprout from David's line he will do what is just and right in the land. In those days Judah will be saved and Jerusalem will live in safety. This is the name by which he will be called, The Lord Our Righteousness." (O.T. lesson)

It seems that every year the stores are stocked and the displays for the Christmas season are put out earlier and earlier. And for us this shouldn't necessarily be considered in negative light- for us it is the beginning of our anticipation, and a reminder of our eternal hope-for we know the fulfillment of His gracious promise- our righteousness is soon to come. The birth of our Savior is on the horizon, and for the next month this should be our focus- Christ's coming.

But we should not only consider the birth orf our Lord in this time of year. We should give thanks to God for his merciful promise being kept (He always keeps his promises), and, in that truth, also look ahead to the second advent, or coming of Christ. that we should look with hope and anticipation as our redemption draws near, again with the surity that God fulfills His promises, and to the coming of the Kingdom of God. The gospel lesson for this day warns that we need to be careful, "or our hearts will be weighed down with dissipation , drunkenness and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you unexpectedly like a trap. For it will come upon all those who live on the face of the Earth." So we have been told by the Lord, who spoke only the words that God had given him, that this second advent is coming. But, with love, he also warns of the traps, which seem ever magnified in this bustly time of year. Dissipation being idle or frivolous amusement or diversions; a wasting or squandering. do not spend your time on that which is not fruitful. Remember your redemption when the season weighs on you. I know the days are getting colder and snow is just around the corner. I know some of you are worried about how to pay for the gifts during this time of economic hardship. I know that some of you are worried about finding a job, or what to cook, or what lights and where, and the tree... it really can be frustrating. But take those moments to remember your Savior draws near; your Redemption is near at hand.

so be glad and give thanks to God, for he sent us Christ and He will again come and for those of us that have heard, that have knowledge in the spirit, it will not be a trap. Love others by warning them of the traps, and the hope that is in Christ.

Christ is drawing near! And just as the fulfillment of God's gracious promise drew near over 2000 years ago and culminated in the birth of Jesus, The Lord our Righteousness, so again will His promise be fulfilled. so look with hope and joy in Christ to the future.
Amen.

Maybe Wishes

So, life is a struggle. I recently updated my facebook status to say I am an allusion, but life, as we know it, is really the allusion (def: 1. a passing or casual reference; an incidental mention of something, either directly or by implication). What we see is not all there is, and I often refer to the defficiencies caused by perspective, but to be honest, no individual realizes, or sees, the allusions around him and is even deficient in his own perspective- that is, to say, that not even his supposed portion is realized.

Sometimes I jot down notes; incomplete thoughts; or meditations. They seem to help when I'm at a crossroad. Here is what I found today:
To what end is a life lived (truly a relavent question)
Sometimes you have to step with faith, knowing that in faith there is doubt. (in this the difference between knowledge and the path)
truth matters.
it could be as simple as it reads (on scripture passages that tend to cause me mental anguish)
God shouldn't be a force in your life. Your life should be a force for God.

As the Christian calendar turns over here in the next week or two with the beginning of advent, I have decided that I will go over the texts for each sunday beforehand and write a short passage of meaning (nearly a sermon [but shorter] for I am not an ordained minister). I think this a good goal and have already written most of the passage for the first sunday in advent. The texts will come from those used in LCMS churches and found on the LCMS.org website (truly difficult to navigate). I will copy them word for word without omission. If any of my readers would like to share with others, that is fine. And any comments or advice is always welcome.

a former myspace post

this was posted on my myspace account on 4/6/2007
I am indeed glad to tell you that we are currently in transition, from phase one (where you belong), to phase two (get in line). The humor here lies in the fact that this was constructed as part of a joke during normal work hours at the place of my previous employ, and now seems to begin to bear shreds of truth if looked at with a squinted eye and cocked head... if you look, you'll see it.

Politics. Crazy stuff... like Dizzy Gillespie jaming with Jonie Mitchell. or Air Supply rock'n out with Oasis.

All I hear- on t.v.; radio; people talking- is how bad our country is. How much we're screwing things up here and everywhere else. Well my friends, I don't know if you've seen it coming or not, but I am here to tell you that the answer is coming. Like the snake who thinks he's got you, up until the moment he feels the sharp teeth of the mongoose grab hold. I am here to tell you that the mongoose is (red), and he &*($@!*% means business. I am here to warn you of the communist plot to take over the world, don't resist because it won't work, and soon you'll find out why.

I have, in my posession, the specific plans of the communist party's attempt to take over the U.S.A. (note: before we begin you must realize that Vodka is their only weakness- as Russians proved in the previous decades)

Phase 1 (also called "where you belong")

This is their grass roots campaign. Starting out in small suburbs with disgruntled americans who believe strongly in a social government programs (i.e. welfare). This is when you will find them beginning to congregate, as well as airing communist commercials which usually involve the symbol "(red)" I think I saw one on t.v. the other day... It had some sort of communist sounding music and was a fade in/ fade out sort of commercial that said:

Inspi(red)

Desi(red)

Communism where you belong.

You should know that propaganda will be increasing in volume and their ideas should begin to permeate our government and begin to affect its policy making.



Phase 2 &3 still to come. But I can tell you that there advertising campaigns are "get in line" and "because we f*cking mean business" respectively.

I don't want to be around when they get to phase 3, but I think we can all agree that the signs of the shift from phase 1 to 2 are occuring as we speak..{ let it be known that this was incorrect and that the majority of the campaign and first few months in office were truly phase one- I guess things got extended} They've already got China and Cuba. Russia seems to be the autistic (sorry) communist or the drunk uncle. Either way- that's a whole lotta commie pigs roaming the earth.. If only you'd look towards washington... I bet you could see a whole lotta (red).

Don't get me wrong... it's a great philosophy... but you can't make people help others.. .it should be there decision.. If I don't wanna help those on welfare... I should be able to defer those taxes to something else... Like the suppression of communism in the United States.

a novella by yours truly

I have been working on a novella, a book, if you will, based on the experiences of a man I know (those who know me know the truth, but not the truth of my life). there are hints of the truth that lay beneath the surface-clues if you will. I am in the process of combining the past events of a man I knew (know), and am contemplating the attempt of puttin them into a published work. I am proud for this friend, of where he's been (what he's seen), and understand the conflicted nature of his being (though he feels alone), if any of you readers out there (5, I count you) have any input into this work, though you know not of its origin, or the second sight contained within, please let me know... the concourse of the words seems more difficult than slolomn, and his path more treacherous than a white lie... He believes his "choice" to be near at hand, and the consequence the distance between two worlds. I know I am vague, but that is my charm (and his). He (and I) have severed half the cord, but are always looking for more. In error do we see the fog rise and give form to the veil of covered vision, but when fear is conquered and clear sight is gained, who will follow?

just a short

sitting outside, this is what I pondered:
If, in the time between two days, the sun should become lost, then the days would end, but if the moon should hide its face, then we are lost.

Limitations

Today, despite the mild weather and taffy clouds moving through the advanced blue sky, I was not moved to joy. The drowning sensation that occurs is only heightened by the contentment of the world around- and nature always feeds this slide. There are things a person can and cannot due; these are his limitations. I am one of those who believes in endless limitations, but they require of that which does not make itself seen in this world. So then, among the world, there are finite limits to a person, and also to his spirit. Mine broke today. I have finally reached the bottom of the sinking sand- speaking of: you know that glimmer of hope a person sees as things seem to be growing dimmer? Well, that is merely the light reflecting off of the dirt that has collapsed beneath you.
I was eager, and satisfied, to be chasing happyness. But one must eventually come to terms with their limitations. I have come to that point. Now, frantically I search for the stairwell to lead me back to the ground upon which I stood previously. where though it is sometimes dark and murky, other times just dim with specks of light, I belong. Some things were not meant for me in this life, and the sad reality is not that I have realized it- that is progress- but that it took me so long to realize.
I have limitations. I hit them like they were an unseen stone wall blended into the horizon where the sun did shine.

Babel and the Spirit at Pentecost

About a week ago, I had a thought to look at the story of the tower of babel (of course, I had no idea why), and the immediate reason became apparent to me, and a subsequent reason was also recently revealed. I will start with the first: I am often confounded as to why it is that I do not receive answers to my questions dealing with meanings and practice- the story of babel adequately illustrates that the reason for my frustration is due to the meaning with which I search, or the intent I have while searching. The story of babel has to do with man's attempt to attain a level of divinity, to be themselves as gods, and I believe this is the reason for my confounding. I am not searching to uphold or reveal his glory, but to attain for myself a level of divinity or glory (sad, I know).
The second reason for having looked up this story came to me the other day as I was pondering verse 6 (in bold below), but it only makes sense when combined with a story from the Book of Acts (the holy spirit comes at pentecost) which immediately follows in this entry.
Genesis 11
1And the whole earth was of one language, and of one speech.
2And it came to pass, as they journeyed from the east, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar; and they dwelt there. 3And they said one to another, Go to, let us make brick, and burn them thoroughly. And they had brick for stone, and slime had they for morter. 4And they said, Go to, let us build us a city and a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make us a name, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth. 5And the LORD came down to see the city and the tower, which the children of men builded. 6And the LORD said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do. 7Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another's speech. 8So the LORD scattered them abroad from thence upon the face of all the earth: and they left off to build the city. 9Therefore is the name of it called Babel; because the LORD did there confound the language of all the earth: and from thence did the LORD scatter them abroad upon the face of all the earth.
Acts 2
1When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. 2Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. 3They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. 4All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues[a] as the Spirit enabled them.
5Now there were staying in Jerusalem God-fearing Jews from every nation under heaven. 6When they heard this sound, a crowd came together in bewilderment, because each one heard them speaking in his own language. 7Utterly amazed, they asked: "Are not all these men who are speaking Galileans? 8Then how is it that each of us hears them in his own native language? 9Parthians, Medes and Elamites; residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia, 10Phrygia and Pamphylia, Egypt and the parts of Libya near Cyrene; visitors from Rome 11(both Jews and converts to Judaism Cretans and Arabs—we hear them declaring the wonders of God in our own tongues!" 12Amazed and perplexed, they asked one another, "What does this mean?"
13Some, however, made fun of them and said, "They have had too much wine.

The bold verse from Genesis essentially says that when the people are one and speak one language, that is to say that when all men are able to understand each other, there is nothing to stop them from accomplishing anything they have imagined to do. This ties well into the Acts verse, I think. When disciples of Christ are able to speak to men in tongues (all being able to understand) there is nothing that they cannont accomplish. So with the gift of the spirit, being attained through belief in Christ Jesus, and for the purpose of furthering the Kingdom of Heaven on earth, there is nothing that cannot be accomplished. It does seem that perhaps more should be said, but I find the correlation to be relatively evident and simple to understand. Still, though, it feels incomplete.

Puddles and Oceans

I woke up today, and after shaking off the cobwebs, I found myself to be in a particularly spiritual mood. Like most days, I tend to find more trouble and friction in the pursuit, and this leads to uneasiness and frustration. Today, it seems, I am so full of words and thoughts that a proper order should not make itself clear, and the resultant clutter would make itself seem an ocean from a puddle (A good place to start, I think). And so are the words of God, Christ, and the Apostles. The Bible is an ocean from a puddle. By this I mean not to say that the book itself is inconsequential, not that too much has been made of this book, or any other connotation being negative, but rather that from something small comes something larger; from a word:meaning; from a book of His words:endless meaning. It is like the parable of the mustard seed: It is like a grain of mustard seed, which a man took, and cast into his garden; and it grew, and waxed a great tree; and the fowls of the air lodged in the branches of it.- Luke 13:18-19"
So that in any word there is multiple meanings, and in any passage there is a power of meanings. This is why it is said: "11The words of the wise are like goads, their collected sayings like firmly embedded nails—given by one Shepherd. 12Be warned, my son, of anything in addition to them.Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body. -Ecclesiastes 12:11-12"
I shall end with this final train of thought: From the word of God came creation in its entirety: from the smallest to the largest, from the seen to the unseen. The world we see is large froom where we look, and small in comparison to the depth of the universe, and still we do not see the completeness of His word, of His work, and yet, we are swimming in it.

Creation of Man

O.k., today I will keep my post short. I have recently, and inexplicably, been thinking about the sistine chapel's frescos- most notably the "creation of man" panel. After studying it lightly I have come to two conclusions: 1) Adam has his eyes fixed on God and his face along with his upper body, show a concerted effort to look to God, but his arm is limp; half-heartedly reaching for God. Also his body is in a position that not only leans slightly away, but gives the impression of turning away. 2) God is not only reaching for Adam, but is stretching and leaning towards Adam. I find this relationship to hold true today, or perhaps I see this relationship because it exists today.

On a side note, and not to be downer, all sins can be forgiven- except one.

what it is.

Some people read horoscopes to help guide them through their lives, I do occasionally do this, but I prefer the word of the day- it has always seemed more appropriate to me. It is often an accurate description of me on that day or a feeling, attitude, or personal trait that seems prevalent at the moment. I had, at one point, showed how a story can be derived from connecting one day's word to the next, but, being honest and not remembering the story, it was probably an accurate description of me that month.

According to my monthly horoscope, I have nothing but good things ahead of me this month. I am a virgo, in case you were wondering. Most all descriptions I have seen of Virgos seem to be accurate. I really have nothing to say today, but I tried. It seems I'm really just waiting for something good to happen- I'm not really patient. I wait because I'm not really sure what it is that I want at this moment, I have set out goals to work towards and the things that I want in the future, but as for the moment, things seem uncomfortable- a notion I am very familiar with- and I just toss and turn looking for that "spot."

I always feel different; out of touch and awkward in any situation- like I don't really belong anywhere. That is probably the hardest thing to deal with. I can adjust to any situation to alleviate the discomfort I may cause others, and try to not to disturb the balance or apply a negative vibe. anyway... it is what it is and the line between wish and want- that from dusk to dawn, is wide and black, and then gray at the edges.

Random Learning

I was riding in a car on Centerline road drifting across thoughts as the car whirred by the knee-high corn (we are coming up on 4 july), I suddenly remembered a small snippet of a dust cover review of Dostoevsky's "The Idiot." The review spoke of how the writer takes you on a remarkable journey following a "holy fool" and how he impacts the people he comes in contact with. i quickly thought about the way that I write- often dealing more with ideologies and the foundations of this world, rather than with the interactions that occur within. i would be the first to say that this world is full of traps, yet isn't one of itself (though, perhaps it is the most elaborately cultivated trap of all). However, I would say that it is a cage- the bars of which are ever unseen by the masses. With this realization about my writing it should be easier to move forward, not forgetting that human interaction is the basis of each persons day whether it be abundant, or lacking; and that each of us affects those we come in contact with, and they us.

Oh the random processes of the mind: learning in motion

This weekend is Comfest here in Columbus. A brief note on last night's festivities. It was crazy ridiculous. My phone didn't really work except to show me text messages and inform that I had voicemails. I couldn't call my voicemail to retrieve the messages- but I was able to do that today. Kelly, in 4 consecutive messages, displayed a progression of emotion from one to the next (thus verifying my rule #3: Never separate in a crowd. EVER.
We will be going back for day 2 today and I'm sure to post more on the festivities tomorrow (if I'm functional)

before the deluge

I had a thought last night, as I often do, before going to sleep. Now let us see if we can't summon up the line of logic and thought processes of that. I did have another night of crazy dreams though.
I believe it started with the notion of understanding a person based on the experiences of their life- environmental conditioning. To accept, or understand, the way a person is does not, necessarily, require one to know the "why" behind the way they act, but rather to merely to understand the way they operate based upon the ever growing decisions and actions that you see them make. Furthermore, the understanding of past events is not required to help a person change. So I said to myself, "The why of a person is negligible. All you need is current facts and a view of what is to be changed- however this requires a keen objective eye."
And so goes the world, as people do. It isn't required to know how the world came to be in the position it finds itself now, we merely need to understand the way it is, and the way we should want it. Then we are capable of plotting a course based on the current position to the desired location.
It was nice to have a clear train of thought that actually seems relevant.

Things can be fuzzy

In the time since the relocation I have been keeping busy despite not having found a job. To be quite truthful, it has been kind of a blur, reminding me of why people seem to think life is so short.

Last weekend TJaye and I traveled to West Virginia. It was the overdue retirement party for his grandfather (overdue in that nobody should work until they are eighty). It was held at the local American Legion, of which a membership is now on the "must do" list. After the legion, and legions of drinks on our side, we managed to find a bar catering to the karaoke crowd- who had the unfortunate displeasure of having to hear me shred "Africa" by Toto. unfortunate doesn't quite cover it. We had been out with TJaye's aunt, who herself can be considered a party. She has a cabin on a ridge complete with alcohol and hottub. The next day we went to visit an old friend of TJayes near Stubenville (I believe I have met people from this place). Joel was an interesting specimen who seems to have his "joi de vie (spelling?)" dialed up all the time. All in all the trip was enjoyable, enlightening, and relaxing, but Sunday was time to return to Columbus for Volleyball and beer.

Yesterday was a pool party hosted by Pinky at her grandfather's house. It was a good time, until the part I wish to not disclose. It wasn't pretty. It never is. and it is a reminder of what to not do- if you can remember how it occured in the first place. So today will be applying for more jobs (I've applied for 2 already today) but these next applications require me to leave the house.

I did have some crazy dreams last night- my car was totaled sitting by the curb- there were codes embedded in colored strings that when arranged in a particular way allowed for some sort of time/space travel. along those same lines were some batteries (appearance) that were made of thin metallic plates, again each with some sort of code, and when arranged in a certain manner created a method for flight, the object would spin slowly and hover, the only trick was to be able to produce it on a larger scale.

Closer to Asia?

They made me wait all day for a 5 minute interview. Granted, there were donuts and pizza- and the starbucks people are amazing (a pound of coffee and 4 refills)! Now I feel restless. I just returned from a drive around the city I won't miss, listening to Doves as the city slipped into the rain. There wasn't anyone there to share, at least, no one to be seen. It would have been nice to go out as I've become accustomed to doing and nicer still to not battle myself a little, but the worries of this mind dwindle even now, like the last of the seeds released from a fluffy white dandelion to form a mock snow.

So I handed in my badge shortly after saying goodbyes, and then thought about searching for future employ, but decided that packing provided a much needed joy to match the rays of the sun shining into my 99 degree room. I am divided in two, as always I am, and wonder upon the control/fate/power issues I have and with the decidedly negative view in which I hold them. It appears, almost, that I have relinquished my ability to view a course in navigation and foresee the next point- perhaps lost in the Mariana trench, though why I would be so close to Asia I have no idea... It could have been quicker to dig there.

It's a zoo in here

freedom: The capacity to exercise choice; free will:

I currently have a plethora of ideas and emotions to which I am being subjected, and have found their presence to be mostly a nuissance, like a crowded zoo- all I want to do is enjoy the sights, but the crowd ruins the moment. I can't seem to identify any real thoughts, just random fragments, and to me that is the most confusing of all- the crowd has no common flow or direction, but swirls around and mixes. I don't really know what to say, or what to talk about, as there are many foreign objects floating about, wasted mindspace I suppose. So I will not regail you with the story of a man who reaches beyond the current bounds of human knowledge to see clearly two worlds, or the man who travels a vortex of light, I cannot write on the state of my emotional well-being, or come up with witty retorts, or functionally fun, off-beat advertisements for common things.

I will say this in regards to the definition above: is it not obvious, that the limitations of a man's ability to choose is also a limitation of his freedom?

Then I pose this question: Imagine the world in perfection- what do you see? How does it function? and then can you see the flaws you have created?

Funny, how I keep writing with nothing more to say- I imagine it is more like the man passed out on driftwood who manages to float to shore.
I go through phases with my writing. Not in style, sometimes in content. The phases are not how I approach my writing, but altogether how I view the meaning or futility of my words. What can a man say that has not been said already? What does reitterating a point achieve if it has not been absorbed after the first hundred tries? So occassionaly, when I reach the point where my work is seen as absolute futility, I burn it, or throw it away until I reach that point when I become so consumed by an idea that I must write for fear of being consumed by my own ideas. I can beat back the urge to write for some time - I have been trained to handle mental anguish like the SEALs have been trained to handle physical pain- but everybody breaks at some point, all we can do is grab hold of the driftwood and hope.

Ideas of mind/ a soft appearance

I was driving around today. It is one of my favorite ways to think. And I drifted into some excerpts from "The Republic" by Cicero. I thought of how quickly I became disinterested with the read- this was two-fold: the names (always horrible to pronoune); and the ideas. I am an immense fan of reading theoretical, philosophical, or historical works- I am not too fond of fiction as it is either for entertainment (I find television to be adequate), or to deliver some sort of message which requires derivation- yes the puzzle would entertain me until the moment I discovered it and realized that it is nothing new, just brought about in a different way (again, this returns to the post on decadence and the stagnant society). But the reason I became so disinterested with Cicero, and the feeling seemed to spread as ivy, is that I did not come across an idea I have not heard, read, or had myself. And as I thought of the things I have read- they not being many- I came to the conclusion that the only real purpose any of them served was to give definite verbage to the ideas I've had all along (I'm pretty sure Emerson wrote something about this, but I do not emote as he suggested). So I think, and tend to always overthink things. But that is what I do with the understanding of the "pie" philosophy (all things being considered a pie, and each given his slice- slice being perspective), I try to view as much of the pie as possible before arriving at a decision.

So you can't make everyone happy with the decisions you make. Moreover (and I know it has been said), if you are making everyone happy, then the decision you make cannot possibly be correct. So how does someone live after accepting their mortality? Should they live differently than before? or continue along being mostly the same? The question of mortality is almost fun for me (morbid, I know). I contemplate my mortality (with fear of its absence) daily. I often envision being t-boned as I drive through an intersection, but am more convinced that I will be diagnosed with lymphoma in its late stages (of course, I would keep that secret to myself, as I am not one who enjoys the light of pity).

So I heard someone say they hope that the President can change the country and make our lives better (oh, the things people say can often trigger me into thought). When did we become so dependant on others for our happiness? Why must we wait for the government to change our condition? Have we truly lost all power to better our own situation? I fear that we have become so complacent, so fearful of making decisions for ourselves that we would gladly give up our power, our rights, to another. I suppose, though, that we are all sheep looking for a shepherd. But enough politics.

It is only 7-9 days until I move. word. I began to move some personal effects into my new abode this past weekend. I am truly excited. Kelly, I'm sorry I didn't hang around Monday night. I hope you understand (narcissists unite!). All in all it was a comfortable weekend. I was able to play some poker, some volleyball, and sit in the dark (literally, not metaphorically). The power was out upon my arrival at the house. I was able to get a key made, catch up on some news, buy a car charger for my now broken phone (sweet), bowl, catch a movie, and make a note.

I have often been fond of making a soft appearance, that is to say that I like to arrive without warning, and appear as if out of thin air (it adds to my mystique..ha). But the soft appearance plants a seed in the subconscious of people to whom I perform such magical feats. It serves as a sign that I am always there (certainly, saying it may work, but for some reason always seems to be only words to some), that you may never know when I'll arrive, but that it could be at any moment. I like that notion. I like believing that other people know that.

looking up.

**This was written nearly a week ago and shelved, but after a mild debate, I have decided to post it.

It has been a few days since I've really had anything to say, and though I sit here with a mind full of ideas, fears, hopes, I still find it difficult to express this bundle of emotion. I wish for things to be simple- for black and white to be the rule- but it isn't that way at all. I did think yesterday that one can manipulate the rule of law by simply controlling the evolution of a language, but in retrospect this would take a rather large group of people a rather long time. The limits of words are defined only by their use, which is ever-evolving, and the determination of which defination to be used is almost always contrived from the context and tone in which it is spoken- since, written word can only address one of these (though story-telling can address both) and therein lies the problem.

I have frequently thought of myself as an outsider. I can say with modest shame that I have never really felt as though I belonged anywhere my feet stood, nor in the company of others I've called friends. I merely arrive at some level of comfort with the places and people, so that the discomfort of not belonging only tinges like white-noise (though, for me, that is as bad as nails on a chalkboard, or the high pitched hum from a t.v.). I have learned to live in discomfort, learned to live with the aching misery that has accompanied me since the last time I was happy (I cannot clearly remember that time). So, when the shimmer of a long forgotten feeling catches the eye of the wearied traveler, quickly he becomes filled with hope and forgets his misery. But, lucky for him, there are people around to remind him of the tinged satchel slung over his shoulder- but for comfort he does not lay it down, if only because he hasn't reached the spot of shimmering hope. Perhaps he thinks that shimmer is just the leprechaun's pot of gold to disappear at the last moment, or he is just used to the satchel on his back , maybe he has become dependant on it. (yikes!) Either way, the hope that lingers in my eye is mine to spark into a fire or douse with water. Thank you, my friends, for your warm concern for my future, but the language you speak is farsi to me, and I won't concern myself with learning that language.

Amazing how those who say things happen for a reason are always the quickest to tell you you're making a mistake, when all you're really doing is putting your trust in a higher power.

Space and Tomorrow

I was going to write about the decline of the space program- this being the day the final shuttle mission was launched to repair the Hubble Space Telescope- but I shall instead go off script. No stories of how I won a third-grade essay contest on the future of space flight, no gleaming memories from my trip to Cape Canaveral, no lengthy speeches on the accomplishment of putting a man on the moon (which, unfortunately, means no Andy Kauffman references).

So this weekend was mother's day, a horrible day to break such news, and even more horrible when you know you have to hold it in, when all you want to do is let it loose. I am not a fan of creating chaos for others, but deal well with it myself. I attribute this to my ability to uptake multiple sources of information at the same time, process, and conclude in a fashion that does three things: makes sense in the scheme of things; makes some sort of progress; and maintains flow (I call this flow functionality).

As you may already know, I am moving! Yay! But until today my parents had yet to know that I was moving, or that it was occuring on such a short schedule, and without a job. Does any good conversation ever begin with, "I need to talk to you about something?" I suppose it depends, like all things, on perspective. It was like watching a pond frost over- when the shock set in- and I could sense some pain. All they could really muster was,"well, I guess you know what you're doing."

I don't know. For me, that is the most difficult thing imaginable. I am of the kind that needs facts, statistics, as much information as possible before I make a decision. It is here that I have cast aside the weight of thought and stand clutching that of hope. I will tell you it is somehow lighter. Either because I believe things will be better, or simply because I have someone who is there for me- she also believes things will be better for me (Thanks Belle!)

I didn't stay for long, as it was getting late and the season finale of House was on (I'm getting ready to watch the recorded version now). So, I suppose, as when we first watched the space shuttles cause the earth to tremble below plooms of white smoke, and arc up over the Atlantic Ocean heading into the unknown; when we were filled with the excitement of all possibility, so too do I sit here, typing to you about the same wonder and excitement that seems to have faded in our waxing years, but is now being replenished as a storied fleet is retired.

The Great Escape

With all the concern over the year 2012 approaching (thank you Mayans), and the ever growing social and political problems that have risen to the surface in recent years, I have decided that today I will attempt to reflect and prognosticate a bit.

Social Evolution-1. the gradual development of society and social forms, institutions, etc., usually through a series of peaceful stages.

Decadence-1. the act or process of falling into an inferior condition or state; deterioration; decay. 2. moral degeneration or decay; turpitude.
3. unrestrained or excessive self-indulgence.

Revolution-1. an overthrow or repudiation and the thorough replacement of an established government or political system by the people governed.
2. Sociology. a radical and pervasive change in society and the social structure, esp. one made suddenly and often accompanied by violence.

I love to begin with definitions. They always provide a clearer understanding of where to begin. So, to begin by assigning proper order to the definitions though, really, it is a matter of opinion (a chicken or egg proposition).

Social evolution occurs just as biological evolution, though on a more rapid basis. It is the idea and implementation of progress in a society. As ideas change, as the knowledge of a society changes, as its morals change, so too does a society. As stated in the definition, these changes are often peaceful, but there is the occassional violent upheaval- a coup. Not mentioned often enough is the role that art plays in such evolution. Art is always a good indicator of the status of a society. It seems that even before the society changes, the art movement has changed.

But today we are in a state of decadence, of decay, of idleness. Often can be heard someone asking, "where do we go from here?" It is easy enough to say that we have accomplished about all that can be done in the way of technology, all we seem to do now is to make it faster and more available to the masses, which in turn increases knowledge and idleness. It is argued that our sense of entitlement and self-indulgance is what lead us to this current economic crisis to begin with (just a sign of a decadent society). Sure, there are new art movements, new music trends, but if you look at them (listen to them), if you study them you can only come to the conclusion that they are only mixtures of past ideas and movements- What goes around comes back around again. We are recycling old ideas because we have found none that work effectively enough for us. And so we wait for the next step in social evolution.

Unfortunately, we have reached a rung (seemingly) in this round of social evolution in which the path we have chosen seems to have reached its limit. It is the farthest we can travel for the road we're on. The only way to fix it, to allow a society to continue on is revolution. I am NOT promoting violence, that is not my aim. My aim is, however, to point out where things are, in my view, heading- its like watching a horse run towards a cliff. It will come swiftly, and have the force of a volcanic eruption, because while we have been idle in decadence, the pressure has been mounting. One day a man/woman will wake up and say to himself, "this is ridiculous. I need to do something." and then it will begin. It will spread like a tsunami, and burn like the wildfires of California. Perhaps it has already begun.

Well, I have not met my expectations with this piece, but the thought process is more fluid than before, and more to my liking. But if it reads like diahrrea of the mouth, I apologize.