Columbus Girl

O.k., O.k., so I know I told you that I would write about my trip to Columbus "early in the week," but due to physical ailments beyond my control, it was put on the back burner (the one on the right side of the stove is always larger than the left for some reason). Allow me to share with you my adventure (in my mind all trips are adventures, even if it involves going to the gas station. I once saw a Chuck Norris movie similar to that).
It begins two weeks ago: I received a friend request from someone who's name I recognized but could not immediately place, so, in my ever cautious nature, I asked how we knew each other (always valid). She replied that she really only remembered my name, and that perhaps we didn't know each other. I accepted the request against my natural tendencies, though the pain was minimal.
Immediately we began to message each other over the social network, and I was more than pleasantly surprised with the witty banter (I did flirt some). She invited (challenged) me to come to Columbus and receive a haircut. I accepted as though it were a challenge... or maybe, I threatened to go and then was shown disbelief, and thus become more determined. Either way, I quickly made an appointment and set out my plans (I don't really plan much, more a guideline of how time should progress).
I arrived earlier than my appointment, which also was early for socializing after her shift, so when I was done and she had done a magnificent job (I received several compliments at work), I waited and gazed and pondered over obscure things- my mind would focus and lose as it normally does.
We had dinner, and then watched a movie. She was kind enough to offer me a place to stay in spite of knowing me for less than a prescribed period of time. Let me explain that there was something between us, and I couldn't place it. It was hesitant and forceful, like a timid child standing at the edge of a high dive. Even now it remains, but has been alleviated some by gentle conversation- both, I think, display an eager reluctance.
When we awoke the next day, she headed off to work and asked that I stay, but said she would understand if I had to go. I stayed, believing she wouldn't believe I would stay. I watched television (rotted my mind some), played video games with her roomate (rotted my mind some more), but thoroughly enjoyed the wait- they say anticipation heightens such things. When she returned we talked. Well, she asked questions and I answered, and then she asked me to ask questions- I had no inclination as to what questions were appropriate (I always maintain a level of social awkwardness). We rearranged the lounge and talked some more and then fell asleep.
The next day, monday, I had to leave (I frowned). But I did manage to take with me a feeling of expectations- too enormous to address.
Oh, what is she like? Well, spry, to say the least, and beautiful, with dark curly hair that spreads out as she plays with it. She sings well- complimented by her wonderful display of musical taste. She is positively endearing and hopefully optimistic, with a light riptide of pain that slows her down, perhaps just enough to seem attainable. Maybe the most intriguing (disturbing?) trait was her uncanny ability to know before I spoke and pry the lid off my jar (though it is like jam inside, or molasses, pouring slowly).
The town was beautiful- perhaps a reflection of her, but that is all I have to say about that, for now.

the lesser of two evils

Often when people are confronted with two choices and neither one completely agrees with their attitude, beliefs, etc... they are inclined to choose what is known as the lesser of two evils. That which will cause the least damage to their psyche or life. But today I will present you with the third and often overlooked option: neither. I know, I know.. who could see such a thing! Who could dare leave any viable option behind, no matter the damage... progress, progress is what were after. Direction, they tell me, is a relative thing, and this is the technological age, when people think and do faster than ever, the world is closer to our hands now more than ever before. All the more reason to use caution and knowledge, for one wrong step... well you'll get there faster, that's for sure. I shall tally it to the side of impatience, imprudence, the insatiableness (word?) of man. Always remember there is a third choice: pass.

O Tempora!

Please forgive my raspy voice. I am currently battling a seasonal affliction, but the afflictions I wish to address today are the peoples' shortsightedness; their ability to forget recent lessons; and critical thinking.

Is technology to blame? Perhaps, as many say, the problem lies with the administration behind us, though as often as the blame is laid upon it the tit for tat seems to be a memory. Yes, a memory for a blame, "It'll cost you a buck" they say (though I suspect in this age that a "buck" is more like a billion). My memory is far less affected by what some call a madness, and I recall frequent outcries that we were forced into accepting a bill simply because something needs to be done soon. And what, if you can recall, was the consequence of that previous bill? A deepening recession. I listen to the rhetoric coming from the new administration (I am not fawning) and it sounds much like that of its predecessor. "We need to pass this bill as soon as possible, to uphold and reignite the failing economy (true this is not a verbatim quote, but rather close I suspect)."
The previous administration proposed a bill of unprecedented amounts, then some earmarks were attached, then it was passed without really knowing what it would do. Sure, some thought it would lift the banking system and cause a miraculous recovery. The same is true now, except the aim is creating jobs, but the bill is filled with earmarks that don't really create jobs. I heard the Press Secretary say that people were complaining about 2 hundreths of one percent, but went on to say, effectively that 550 billion of this 850 billion dollar bill was aimed at creating jobs. "What is the other 300 billion for? You know, that 2 hundreths of one percent that actually equates to 35%.

Side note: I remember, during the election, at a particular debate (the third as I recall), both candidates being asked if they thought that the econimic crises would get worse before it got better. Sadly, both said no, knowing full well that it would (If myself and many of my fellow commonman could see it, they had to also). Now, he says, it will get worse before it gets better, and uses the enormity of the task, and plays upon the fears (sound familiar) to pass spending that is not needed and is not warranted- all of which comes at your expense, and your childrens' expense, and the expense of your privacy (the latter being connected to the medical records database portion of the bill). Please open your eyes and see what is being done.

Now, to critical thinking: I read today, on one of my favorite scientific sites (physorg.com) that a recent study out of UCLA states that " our skills in critical thinking and analysis have declined..." This is attributed to the rise in technology and visual communication. I have to agree that I concur with the results of this study, and can see its unfortunate affects on society. If only people would think critically and use their skill of analysis, perhaps we would be in a better place. I highly suggest this article to anyone who would read it. Here is the link:

http://www.physorg.com/news152360207.html

A weekend Extended

I had previously decided to make a trip this past weekend. I'm not sure I want to come home, and Columbus, OH is such a beautiful place with such nice people (more explained to me than observed) that I am under the serious consideration of moving here. New Beginnings and all that. I am currently not in a convenient place to transpose the events of the weekend on this blog, but will update again early in the week.

On a side note, I tried to go find a place of refuge amongst the Circle City, and, having forgotten my camera and all, did not find any place suitable. Just another detriment of the town (city).

A Place for Repose

Tonight I have decided that my purpose for tomorrow shall be to find a place of repose, a place that offers intimate distance between society and myself. My thought cathedral has become, in a sense, stuffy, and the processes of thought have become tangled as in a web. So tomorrow I shall journey out, either on lunch, or after work, and search for a place of repose. It must meet certain requirements. It must not be of such atmosphere that I feel out of place. People must have frequent comings and goings that I might muse about the subject of their thoughts. It must, as an imperative, serve some sort of beverage, either hot or cold, and must not frown upon undue lingering. The criteria are very difficult to meet precisely, but mostly because of the fourth and most important criteria: that the statistical probability of happening upon someone I know be less than once in every thirty visits. So tomorrow I will take my camera and report on the locations that I should come upon. Already, before even I start, I have ruled out places that do not meet my criteria- efficiency is a goal of daily life.

Adventureless

Maps are curious things and ever evolving. Erosion changes the shape of the shores and riverways, though in a slower method than political upheaval. The maps we use to navigate become ever more complicated as we build more and more roads to this place and that. Electronic navigators tell when to turn left and how far to go until our destination.

Where is the adventure in knowing precisely how to arrive at your destination? This is precisely the reason why I refuse to use such devices. I will use a political map, ensuring that I understand a destination's position relative to mine, giving me a fair shake at arriving at my destination. Once I begin to pilot my vehicle along the highways I use only the green signs provided by the applicable departments of transportation. Then every turn becomes an adventure. I pay attention to every natural wonder I come across, wondering if I am going the right direction, until finally, I arrive at my destination.

I am also of the sort that enjoys to drive, without a clear destination, but rather a direction. I think to myself, "perhaps I will drive east and see where I arrive." This are the most enticing adventures as you can never be sure of what you will be confronted with. A road that dead ends into another road. Then do I go North or South, and do I continue in that direction once I happen upon another east-bound road? It is in each turn that our lives are shaped, and in giving ouselves up to random adventure, I believe, we are allowing ourselves to be created by something greater than us.

Peace

I was hoping that I would have a more effective method of describing the subject of today's post, but, my disappointment aside- let us have at it.

How easy peace does guise
the quiet streets
from wars recline
while banners dance
the protest line

It has come to my attention that the notion of peace in these times, perhaps even in times past, has been a distortion of the truth- it is what I mean when I said, "From a seed do weeds sprout and spread to slowly strangle a lush green meadow.How low your sights have been setto seek (or worse, guard!) a glass half full!Water yearns to be poured without limit, without bias." The notion of peace today is likened to a glass half full, though we should see that level as the most we may achieve; like the Carnot Engine being only 40% efficient at best.

Peace has become brother to the absence of conflict, or better, war. But I would implore you to seek a peace, a personal peace, that is freedom from distress of any sort. Do your best to lift the burdens of this world from your shoulders, and then, after you have realized those chains that bound you, will you be free to lift those chains from others.

a life of my own

Let me tell you a little bit about myself and my life. I am full of contradictions. I make off color comments. I have lived some, believe I have lived more, and know it is never enough. My father was an officer of the law and my mother a church secretary until I was 10, since then she has worked for numerous companies in a variety of capacities- this may be where I inherited my unsettled nature. I am the oldest of two children, though only by age as my sister is far superior in terms of maturity. She is married (recently) and has a child who, for reasons unknown to me, may well think I am the greatest person alive. I moved twice as a child, and then almost on a yearly basis since I left for college. I don't move out of convenience, as moving is hardly convenient, but I do it because I can. I have often contemplated moving to a strange and foreign land, one in which I would have absolutely no business inhabiting. I often feel out of place even in the most comfortable of settings, and think that the most uncomfortable of settings, actually, are the most settling. I have had a few concussions, and for these I am extremely uncomfortable with anyone touching my head. I also blame my odd and nearly paranoid nature on these- I am paranoid, but with good reason: everyone is out to get me. You can never be quite sure when a ninja, or a KGB agent, or the CIA will come around a corner, bag you, and take you to an out of the way place for some "interrogation." I have lived alone, and also with roomates. I must confess that I find more pleasure in living alone, though roomates provide a certain entertainment most cannot get on their own (all conversations that take place within your own head are subject to your thoughts and opinions, and are often driven by a idea you have about the person whose conversation is in your head). I talk to myself, and often worry that the inner monologue has traipsed its' way passed my lips. I look up in a confused stupor and wonder two things: what was I talking about; and did anyone hear it. I am peculiar and odd and nice, in a manner that would east most peoples concerns. I am not the one I want to be and try in a relaxed manner to achieve it- it never happens, and I frequently ask myself the question: How deep does this evil run? I am not evil, I just do evil things sometimes- no not murder, or kidnapping or the like- merely lies and deception, it is a game I am good at. too much? too much.

the longest days

January may well be the longest month of the year, and here, drowning in winter, I can only hope for a decent snowfall. If only the town was my snow globe- I could shake it and swirl it around, and even though it may only be a dusting, it could continually fall. Many of those who inhabit these northern climates would despise me for such sentiments, but they would also yearn for a "White Christmas," perhaps an insight to their superficial nature. Many people can only see the imposition such a precipitation would cause, as an unwelcome guest on their doorstep, they must rearrange their entire schedule accordingly. If only they could enjoy the fluffiness wafting, or blowing, or drifting as I do, as a child might. I say this only because I am unsure of how a child thinks, though I would often compare my thinking as such, but infused, in a manner of speaking, with the knowledge of men. But, as a matter of hope, daylight is growing each day, and I am hopeful, too, that the fondness of men may do the same.

Two Masters

Alright. I've been digging my way out of from an emotional furrow-they're always brought about a single related thing, which also happens to be the cure- a place for seeds to be planted. I like to think of it in terms of Christ the vine and God the gardener, as the passage plainly states. The funks, the low points are merely our branch being pruned so that we may grow correctly and as we should. I apologize ahead of time if I am the digger of a furrow for you, but if it causes you to think about, and seek answers from, God, then I should rejoice.

It has always pained me to think about money. It seems there is never really enough, and it almost always fails to satisfy. (bear with my thought processes being strung out). So I think about the passage that states you cannot serve two masters (God and money). Either you will hate one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.
So I ponder what it means to serve: to work for- and apply that to the verse. You cannot work for both God and money. But why? (a fundamental question that will drive you nuts) as my niece taught me to ask. This goes back to the first commandment "You shall have no other gods before me." because, "I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God..." I imagine the jelousy of God is that akin to a parent watching their child receive things from others. Or when a child moves out of the house to embark on their own, more separate life. We shall not "bow down" to them- become submissive.
But how, then, is money akin to a god? and how does it distract from Him.
Think about your life and how you are dependant upon money. Think abou the things it provides to you. "Lord" in its most basic sense, means "bread giver" that which provides you with the basic necessity to live. Money is like this. It allows you to buy food, and drink. By it you may own a home, and find rest within its walls. If you are sick, you can pay a man of extensive studies to provide healing. You can clothe your nakedness (with the style and magnifence of that worn by Solomon!). It can provide you with a sense of security, that if anything, anything were to go wrong, you can be safe and find comfort in the knowledge that money can replace the loss. It often concerns when people are struck by a sudden disaster, losing all they have and reply, "it's only things. we can replace them."
So, to me, these all appear to be things that God has promised to provide us, and, perhaps why it is said, "blessed are the poor, for theirs is the kingdom of God."
But everything has its place, and all works in accordance with His will. May you who read this be blessed, not troubled, and upon your blessing give thanks to God.

Harlem Jews

"See man, the Apollo! I told you we were in Harlem."

I once lived in upstate New York. It was a town known for its' horse track and the healing powers of its natural springs. There was a street running slightly downhill that was populated by wonderful bars, one of which birthed a popular song. The ideal excursions for long weekends were to be had in "the city." It was only a three hour drive, and the tolls along the way could make you feel as though you belonged.

My roomate was Jewish by birth, and I by faith, so a natural kinship was born when first we met. His mother was Jewish (to them all that matters), and his father was Christian, he was "born to hate himself" as he would often say. I would often make off-colored jokes about an air-fed oven suit located on a shelf at our place of employment. Did I mention he was dyslexic? He was. Often, while driving, he would raise his hands in the way dyslexics often do to tell left from right. In this feature lies the foundation for our story.

As we approached the city from the north, having no idea how to get where we were going, I politely suggested amidst the chaos of traffic that we take the next exit. We traveled up the offramp in his green Jeep. Yes, a Jeep. I directed him to go left. Naturally, he went right. We had only traveled a few blocks when we noticed the color of the neighborhood seemed to darken, and with it the mood.

"Where are we? I don't think this is where we wanted to go." He was nervous and quickly becoming impatient. This was made apparent by his grip on the wheel and the intonations with which he spoke.

"I told you to take a left back there. I think we're in Harlem." I chuckled a little, finding amusement in our plight.

"What! No we're not."

The radio was quickly silenced to allow for better concentration. It was decided that the best course of action lay in making three left turns and one to the right to take us back to the interstate. It was after the first left turn, and I don't remember the street name, that the population walking the sidewalks increased greatly. There were shops on both sides, all of which maintained the standard form of security for seedy neighborhoods- black steel bars. On the right, as we appoached the next block, the next left, was that precise establishment which would confirm our location. The Apollo.

"See man, the Apollo! I told you we were in Harlem." I just shook my head and kindly suggested that he return to raising his hands prior to any turn. I had, at one point, told him that he looked ridiculous doing so, but as conditions change...

We managed, to nothing less than his complete surprise, to escape from the most notoriously dangerous neighborhood in America unscathed. Three weeks later, to the world's astonishment, just 152 blocks away, two planes flew into two towers. I do not recall much from my time in Northeast, but these two memories will remain with me until I give up my last breath.

Be fruitful

"Be fruitful and increase in number..." Gen 1:28

Today I have convicted myself precisely of that which I scorned Congress for yesterday: excessive comprehensity. But also, today, while taking stride with stride I remembered to count each step, and, in doing exactly that, came to a greater understanding.

Many times I have read the verse quoted above, and quoted it myself. I had missed what so plainly was written (though it hid in the meaning). Duality. God seems full of it.

I had been reading Emerson's essay Conduct of Life and trying to seed ideas for my essay, when this verse came to mind (Oh great fortune!). I have always considered this verse to be a single idea, meaning that by increasing in number we are being fruitful. But consider the separate parts: 1. be fruitful 2. increase in number

(note should be made that from Hebrew the words are, "be fruitful become abundant fulfill the earth bring it to shape" (the later portion is removed from NIV version). One of the things that frustrates me most is that "scholars" interpret the words of the bible and insert their own conjunctions- believing that there is one proper way to read it. Perhaps this is why there is no punctuation in the hebrew version.

1. be fruitful- be productive, produce results be prolific (turning out many products of the mind), be profitable (yield gains). I think that it is interesting to note that the late latin form of the word means "enjoyment" we should enjoy ourselves. I believe this half of the verse well supports Emerson's point that we are consumers and should be producers.

and: meaning then, or also

2. increase in number- populate the earth
So it becomes understood that we are given the task of bearing fruit, not just rearing children. From the hebrew version we are also tasked with bringing the earth to shape, to form it as we would like it and fulfill it (make it complete).

I would like to apologize for any fragmentation of thought or word conveyed herein. As I study, I see many paths and wander this way and that.

Before Inauguration

I try to not talk politics. I am still relatively young and my blood pressure should not become a concern. With that being said, we are only two weeks from the inauguration of a new POTUS, who will be accompanied by a relatively unchanged congress who, as it were, managed to uphold an 11% approval rating over the past 2 years.
I understand that the President does not write law, but he does have influence over the houses of congress, being a sort of final vote- overriding veto and the supreme court making it "sort of" (checks and balances!) So let me offer this piece of advice that has slipped the minds (or left with them) of congress and the President:
If every problem was a river to be crossed, then why do we build a bridge on the near bank and then try to lay it over the river? I know, I know.... comprehensive reform is a tantalizing idea, and if we could solve a 7 part problem with 1 bill, then we would have time to address several other problems, but the fact is that, being a bipartisan congress filled with people who want to work in a bipartisan manner, how is it that they all fail to see that by agreeing on each individual step, each portion of bridge across the river, a resolution is more likely to come about. Instead they bicker and moan about the lack of bipartisan while touting their ideas on "meet the press" (I rarely see a Senator or Congressman begin an answer by not starting with, "Well, I did this.." or "I helped write this bill...") By building a bridge a portion at a time, you are able to adequately account for the depth of the river, the current, and the weight to be supported by it. Also, individual portions are more likely to pass in a vote. The number of "nays" increases relative to the number ideas a bill is written to address.
So, stop bickering; stop being self-serving; stop wasting time and money.
And so help me, if we give money for world healthcare (proposed at the U.N.) before we solve some of the outstanding problems here at home (i.e. defecit) I am going to run for public office. Nobody wants that.
Good luck Mr. President Elect, we all eagerly await your promised change.

For the great mass of mankind, the only saving grace needed is a steady fidelity to what is
nearest to hand and heart for the short moment of each human effort. -Joseph Conrad

Fluid Dynamics in Life

Today is Epiphany- the last of the 12 days of Christmas, and with that I place one of my favorite holiday songs (though its relevance to Christmas may be limited).

I wanted desperately to have something to say; fluidity does not always come easy.
I am often peculiar, but only because I make it a point to be so for the duration of daylight.
At home I am more bland, like a slice of Sunbeam bread, which may, or may not, be attributed to my being a precisionist (a more acceptable and less debilitating method of OCD). The things that I do-the way I walk, speak, write- must all perform as a stream, or river, or the wind. As I seek gracefulness in the world, so too do I place a special importance on its' elegant and purposeful placement within the things over which I have control. Motion into motion with and from the motion of the world. It is the harmony of a song: giving direction and support in a perfect blend, much like the coffee I drink.
Currently I am working on an essay, Shadows and Faith. I frequently wonder if I shall ever find the words to complete it. Perhaps I did dare a modest amount more than I am capable of supporting. But fluidity is the key. What you say, at least these days, is, at best, as important as how you say it (Oh great misfortune!).

The Greatest Commandment

Today, at the church of my youth, a new pastor was installed (as if he were an appliance-perhaps a washing machine) and as I sat at home working on an essay of a vaguely related subject, I decided to begin writing my studies of the Bible.
**Disclaimer: The views and opinions contained within do not necessarily express the views and opinions of ELCA-MS**

I told you that I would share some study...sorry if its so long...

The Greatest Commandment: Matthew 22:34-40

Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
Jesus replied: “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind,’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

I have often wondered over the content of these verses, wanting greatly to fulfill the first and greatest commandment. I would often go over it in my mind wondering how I could love the Lord my God so completely. It came to me to pray, as frequently as possible, five to seven times a day even. I read the Bible diligently; studying it to show myself approved unto him. I dwelled upon his commandments, the Law (this is where I came to read of the various laws in Leviticus). I shaved my head so as not to shame it when I prayed. I fasted. I prayed. I still feared His judgment. Do not misunderstand, these things are all good, and done with good intention, but still I felt as if I were missing something important.
The importance that I missed lays in the second half of Christ’s response so the Pharisee. It begins with and all hangs upon this: “And the second is like it…”
Like: having almost or exactly the same qualities,
characteristics, etc.; similar; equal;
So having learned to consult my trustworthy dictionary while studying scripture has brought me into a new understanding: Loving your neighbor as yourself is the same as loving God with all your heart, soul, and mind; it is how we best accomplish it.
But, my mind soon turned to the question of “how” do we love our neighbor as ourselves. Certainly the Various Laws of Leviticus 19 are ways we can love our neighbors as ourselves, and they should be strived to follow. However this verse implies a love of self, to which I must ask: “What of the man who does not love himself?”
There are those who speak ill of themselves. Are they permitted to speak ill of others? There are those who put their lives in danger. Are they permitted to put the lives of others in danger? There are those who hate themselves; who are masochistic. Are they exempt from this?
The conclusion I came to, other than most of these are practiced on a selfish basis, is that the true form of basic love that we practice towards ourselves is that we feed ourselves; we bathe ourselves; we clothe ourselves; we shelter ourselves. So in this I conclude that to love our neighbors, we are to feed them; to bathe them; to clothe them; to give them shelter. If you come across a man who is hungry, give him food so that he is not hungry, and feed him with the gospel, with Christ-the bread come down from heaven. If you encounter someone who is dirty, bathe him or her, just as Christ washed the feet of his disciples, so too should we serve each other. If a man needs shelter, find a place for him to stay, just as the Good Samaritan did, for whatever you do for the least, you do unto Him.
Also, as you identify your wrongs for learning when your actions bring calamity upon you, identify your neighbor’s wrongs, so that in this way you may save his soul. This too is love.

On the beginning of a new year

It is always best to start at the beginning. A new year brings new hope, new ideas, new aspirations, and perhaps a greater perspective on the things we see. It is a time when we all celebrate a birthday, and as such all become a year older together. (and you thought that sharing your birthday with someone else detracted from your celebration!) We are a year wiser, and also a year closer to dying- both of which seem to prod us into self-reflection and measurement.
Last year: I had no aspirations and made to resolutions accordingly. This year: I have aspirations to evolve in mind and spirit, which subsequently involves physical sacrifices. But I have come to the conclusion that, as we uphold this single day as a day of renewal, we should also realize that each day is another opportunity to grow and evolve. It is an opportunity to plow the unfruitful soil under and begin to plant anew, with hopes that this year will produce a plentiful crop, even so much that others may enjoy the harvest.

May your soil be rich and produce a fruitful harvest this new year.