The O's pt 2 (a dying breed)

What secret so bold could cause a thing no more-
a smile adored, or a breeze against a door left
slightly ajar in spring to breathe in the cherry-
blossom sea dotted with tulips?

Believe it or not, but constantly and without hesitation, as each moment passes- as we grow- so too do we die some. The idea of opposing forces, light and dark, yin and yang, do not merely oppose, and do not require a struggle, but are also meant as compliments to each other... like orange and blue, oddly correct when put together. It also goes to say that you cannot have one without the other, or better, that one cannot truly be appreciated without the other- the product is scope and magnitude.

Saturday, I drove Kelly to work, and returned to the house. I cleaned, at a bit of food, watched a movie (not having seen Quantum of Solace, it was a must)- I tried anything to pass the time, but slowly it passed, and certainly not because of my willing it forward. It was a beautiful day, so I laid out to pass some more time and soak up some vitamin D- funny how such days seem less enjoyable when it isn't being shared.

I picked Kelly up and, to be perfectly honest, I cannot remember what we did. I can remember, with vivid detail, the events of my solitude but, for our time together, the images are bits and pieces, but the feelings, rampant and enduring even to this day, are what I remember. I do remember how beautiful she was, and how even she was having difficulty in deciding a path- I suggested the cause of such deliberation can be attributed to Saturn return (or so I've heard). I remember that we grew some- and certainly I have further to go- and we talked. When we talk, we skirt the issue while attacking it directly, because, I think, we both want to know so many things at once, that the only way to understand or to evolve a question is through vagueness and metaphor- we do this well together, so much so that I sometimes deem words to be unnecessary, nods of the head, smiles, and glances may be all we need.

A dying breed is dying long before notice is taken, and perhaps, if that breed is lucky, it will find help in transitioning to the next life. As a clock unwinds and the hands slow, the spring loosens and the tension melts until it stops and ceases to be dependant on the time it kept (I wish I knew what this last part was, or how it ends)

Her decisions are difficult and I do not envy the choice she must make, but I am grateful for the days we spend entwined (physically and emotionally). I felt my chest hurt this weekend, and now too, as I think about the distance that I'm trying to solve. I have also discovered that having goals can rouse my anger when confronted with a barrier, it has also awakened my determination- a trait I am fond of and have missed for sometime- I hope it serves me well, for I know that these are volitile traits that can turn against a man and be his undoing. I have help, and she may be my grace.